I have not had an easy time getting into the spirit of the holidays this year. Despite that fact I managed to go through the motions and get everything done. Finally on Christmas Eve I fed off the excitement of the kids and found myself feeling not only happy, but extremely grateful. Until then I was feeling rather Scroogey; the pressure of the season was taking its toll. I always want to create wonderful holiday memories for my boys and sometimes, most of the time actually, it is exhausting. The shear excess of the season also overwhelms me, as does the commercialism. Sigh. I think I go through some level of anxiety every year and every year, at some point, I take a deep breath and roll with it.
As I mentioned, this point didn't hit until Christmas Eve. I really tried to make an effort to "get in the moment", so I paused and watched my sons' growing joy and elation over the ensuing festive binge. Their innocence made me smile. Then it happened, my heart grew three sizes, maybe four! As I felt my ribcage swell, I truly felt gratitude wash over me. I mean really, who was I to be grumpy when I have so much? I have healthy children, a roof over my head, bills we can pay, clean water, easy access to food and groceries, friends and family who love me, and among so many other things I am able to say that painting is my job. Given my circumstances I decided that I was kind of a jerk to be grumpy. It is not lost on me that the holidays can be a desperate time for some people; a time of pain and hardship, loss and sorrow. Fortunately that is not the position I am in this year, but I am more than aware- knock on wood- that next year could be a different story.
So to all that read this, no matter what you believe, no matter your circumstances, no matter where you are on this earth, I wish you peace, love and friendship. I hope you get through the holiday season unscathed and I hope 2015 is a bountiful year for you and yours.
May there be peace on earth.
2 comments:
Dear Nicki,
There is a lot of fuss around the holidays. I am not religious, but I love the lights lighting up our dark city, the lovely singing and pure kindness of strangers, and the family getting together. My family worries so much about presents that it's insane, and then suddenly the air goes out of the worry balloon, and we're together laughing and delighted with one another. That's the Christmas magic. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
XOXOXOXOXO Barbara
This all sounds very familiar. How lucky we are. I am glad you have such special memories with your family during the holidays.
Best wishes and love to you.
Nicki
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