Up Early and Posting!

I could not sleep and as I lay in bed this morning all I could do was think about my blog! Seemed like a good reason to get up and start writing. I'm probably thinking about it because my brother-in-law and his family are arriving today from Edmonton and I likely won't get a chance to post anything for a couple of days. We are all very excited because we haven't seen their little guy for ages. He is twenty-one months and my boys can't wait to play with him.

 

Life After Death

7x7

acrylic on canvas

sold

This little painting I am showing you today was done after the large fungus you saw in the post on August 27. Ever since I did that one I have been interested in these parasitic treasures you can find in the forest. Some of them are spectacular. I don't know much about them, but from what I can tell they grow on sick, dying or dead trees. This one was growing inside a rotting tree stump that I found while walking through the forest and I am calling it "Life After Death". It is acrylic on canvas and is 7x7". I don't know if it will make it into the show or not. It is painted in a tighter fashion than say my reflections, but at the same time I don't think it is "anal". This particular one was sort of flat, yet had this undulating surface at the same time and the colours were spectacular! I had the little fungus to the left looking a bit like a derby for awhile. After a few tips from my instructor at the art camp, hopefully it blends in more and no longer looks quite so hat-like!

Have a great long week-end! And once again, thanks to all of you who have been leaving comments.

Just Keep Swimming

As I mentioned in my blog the other day, I finally told a few of my girlfriends about this new journey I have begun. Well, the next morning emailed the link (how crazy is that? I have a link!) to my immediate family. My two sisters were so excited for me. So were my parents, but they didn't quite understand what a blog was about. One of my sisters embraced this idea so enthusiastically that she immediately forwarded the link to a few people she thought might enjoy it. Later, when we spoke on the phone, she felt a bit sheepish and hoped I didn't mind that she had done that. At first I felt this pang of fear and drop in my self confidence (which actually didn't have far to fall because it is relatively low already) because one of the people she emailed is an old childhood friend of the family ( Hi Trev), but then I took a deep breathe and realized that in the end, this is what I want for this journey. I don't want to put myself out there just a little bit... I want to put myself out there full on; no holding back. And when things get a bit scary or intimidating I am going to follow some wise advice that a funny little fish once said... "Just keep swimming".

This same sister, who is one of the smartest, kindest, wittiest, prettiest, people I know, and by far the most generous, said that finding out about my blog inspired her to start a journey of her own. She has been thinking about making some changes for awhile and I guess this gave her motivation to get started. I am soooo proud of her because change is scary and it is hard, but sometimes it is what you have to do in order to get where you want to be.

 

 Nestled

7x7

acrylic on canvas

This painting (acrylic on canvas, 7x7) was done at the workshop I attended this summer and will also be part of the show. It is a little fungus that I had been looking as I ate my meals in the veranda off the dining hall. It was tucked right in the crook between two birch trees that were sort of growing out of each other. The entire time I was working on it I couldn't get over the feel of the paint. The air was incredibly humid and the paint acted much more like oil than acrylic. I had so much fun; I felt like I was playing. Because of the climate I had no choice but to paint differently than I usually do. My mind kept repeating a quote that the instructor had brought up in an earlier discussion. It somehow gave me permission to play and experiment; to not think I always have to paint in the way I have become accustomed.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."

                                                                                                  -Walt Whitman


And now that I have begun this blogging adventure, I think it will become my way to discover all of my multitudes.

Fury

Fury

24x10

acrylic on canvas

sold

This little baby is a bit of a departure isn't it? I think I will put it in my show because it perhaps introduces another side of myself... a side I am still discovering. I did it this summer when I went to a week long painting workshop at a northern lake in Saskatchewan this past July. The class was held at the Emma Lake Kenderdine Campus which is a satellite to the University of Saskatchewan and is the world's best kept secret. It has a fascinating rich history which helped shape the art world in this province for many years. I first attended a class there in the summer of 2000, went back again in 2001 and then along came my kids and subsequently my hiatus. :) I finally managed to suppress my mommy guilt enough to return in 2007, 2008 and now 2009. I love it there. It is my happy place. The place where I am not a wife or a mommy... I am just me. It is a place that is helping me figure out just who that is..

But, back to this painting I posted today. It is named "Fury" and not by accident, I might add. I painted it in the evening immediately following the last critique session of the workshop. I had been one of the last students to be critiqued and had just finished hearing ( from a very obnoxious lady in the class) that I should do something with the big red blob on one painting (it was an unfinished piece) and that my paintings had all been done before and that I should loosen up in my technique (I've heard this comment before). I was stunned into silence and later burst into tears in private with my dear painting friend, Debbie, who said all the right things. About half the class went down to the beach to paint the spectacular sky as the sun was quickly setting. After I regrouped I was so angry. I hit that beach in a serious fury (well, painting-wise anyway). I was all emotion and I laid it down on that canvas for the world to see! The next morning the instructor (and probably the artist who has the most influence on me) said, "Whoa, where did that come from?" I had to giggle because it came from some deep spot I didn't even know about before then.

Now, I am all for critique sessions because I can learn so much from really good discussions, but when comments are made that are in  no way constructive, that is where I have a problem. That is likely why I bristled at hearing the comment Edward B. Gordon received about his paintings being "trivial". How is that helpful to him as an artist? And who determines what is trivial? And why do I have to loosen up? And is there something that is inherently wrong with being tight? And...and...and...you're not the boss of me!!!!

On a lighter note, I was beyond pumped today to actually discover I have some followers! I am so appreciative and hope my little stories and paintings always make them glad they checked back in.

A Full Day

This has been the most exciting day for me... Who would have ever imagined that I would discover comments from Edward B. Gordon on my blog?!!! I am overwhelmed that he took the time to have a look at what I have started here. And then when I realized he read the story of my sad attempt to get one of his paintings I broke into a bit of a cold sweat. Luckily he seemed to have a sense of humour about it and I am glad he was entertained. Seriously, how cool is he anyway? A master painter, a dedicated artist, an intelligent business man, a poet (in my mind anyway), and one class act.

I was so excited to find his comments that I couldn't contain my secrecy any longer. I immediately emailed "my girls"; three of the best friends a person could ask for. The email I sent them was  filled with exclamation marks and OMG's. I'm a lousy typist at the best of times ( I took art in high school instead of typing), but add in shaking hands and it becomes a true gong show. It wasn't long before they emailed back and may I just say that I love them? They were equally excited, if not more so than I was because not only were they hearing about the comments, but they were finding out about my blog for the first time. I would never have imagined that a side effect, if I can call it that, of having kids would be that I would meet the most wonderful women and they would become such a vital part of my life. I am so lucky.

I received an email from the St. Thomas More Gallery curator today wondering if I had thought of a name for my show because she is going to get started on some of the advertising later this week. She said it could be something as simple as Nicki Ault: Recent Work. It seems a bit dry and because all of the pieces are inspired by the boreal forest I feel like there should be some reference to it in the title. I'll have to think on it. My sister put in her two cents and offered up "The Boreal Fo Real". It made me laugh. I'm open to suggestions if anyone reads this.....

You Can Go Back

16x20

sold

And here is another painting that I plan to include in the show. It is acrylic on canvas and is 16x20". It is one of my favorite places to paint en Plein air. Spruce River in Prince Albert National Park. It is the subject of the other two reflection paintings I posted a few days ago. It is a glorious slow moving river that winds its way through the forest then out into the meadows and back in again. It looks different every time I am there.

I am extremely grateful to Barbara Muir, another artist I have discovered in this blogging world, for stopping by my blog and posting such kind-hearted, supportive comments. She is an excellent portrait painter who approaches her subjects in such a unique and vibrant way. Her portraits exude character and life.

Ahhh, this has been a full day. And now to go to bed... my little people register for school tomorrow. My little Tommy will be going to Kindergarten. He is so ready for school, but I don't know if the school is ready for him... he doesn't have a library voice and he likes to use the word "poop" way too much.

Advice Where You Least Expect It

I was flipping channels the other night after the kids went to bed and I caught the last part of the make-over show "Style By Jury". They were helping transform a single mom who was a dancer years ago, but had let that part of herself slip away. One of the confidence building exercises they had her do was choreograph a ballet piece to be judged by a panel. How intimidating can you get when you have been out of that world for awhile? However it was something she wanted to get back into and she knew she still had a passion for dance deep inside. When it was all over she was completely elated to have faced her fears and gone through with the whole process. She then had this light bulb moment which really resonated with me. She basically said that so often when we have our children we put our dreams aside to focus on them and make sure they are getting all that they need. She realized that, in fact, this  is actually the time we should bring on our dreams full-force because it is our job to inspire our children. I love this advice! And when it is put that way it makes so much sense.

I hope my boys will someday see that mommy is an individual with dreams of  her own and that it is okay to chase them... even at 41...and even if they aren't the most practical of options!

On that note I have three more paintings to post which will be going into my show in November. They are all 10x10" and acrylic on canvas. I was trying to catch the sunlight filtering through the tress in the forest and illuminating the moss beds.

Deep In The Woods- 10x10 sold

Lit- 10x10 sold

Streaming In- 10x10 sold

Seven and Inspiring

The last two evenings have been very exciting around here. We have been trying to get Sammy (7) up on two wheels! My dad bought him a bike last summer, but he had no interest in figuring it out. When we tried again this spring he gave up after the first try. He is the kind of kid who just wants to be perfect at something from the start. He doesn't like to be embarrassed and he doesn't want to disappoint anyone.  He can be very hard on himself and for the most part things have always come pretty easy for him. Anyway, we had a bit of a chat and I said I  wanted him to try again. I reminded him that he wouldn't be such a good swimmer if he didn't practice and I thought he would have so much fun riding his bike if he could just give himself a chance to learn. He agreed so out we went... and he is really close to having it sorted out! (All the protective gear probably helped subdue his large fear of wipe-out pain). It was an absolute thrill as a parent to see the determination in his eyes and the single-minded focus which was then followed by intense pride. The speed at which his confidence jumped was amazing to see and it wasn't long before he was helping his little brother ride his bike (with training wheels). Sammy was totally teaching Tommy the way John and I had been helping him just moments before.... "that's right, you've got it. Keep your eyes looking straight ahead. Find the balance. Good job. You're doing it!!!" It was one of those Hallmark moments of life. And yes, I had tears in my eyes. 

 

On the Edge of Fairy Island

 8x24"

acrylic on canvas

© Nicki Ault, 2009

sold

Watching Sammy struggle with his fear of failing and all of the emotions that go with it really made me think about how afraid I am of failing as an artist. I'm still not convinced I have the right to call myself an artist. It is something I need to get to the bottom of. The fear of failing can be almost paralyzing. Today, however, I was inspired by my seven year old and so I will take a deep breath and post another painting. This one is going in my show this fall because, well.... I like it! How is that for mustering confidence?!

My Upcoming Show

What a delightful treat... I went to the studio yesterday morning and was able to stay for about 4 hours this time! Woo hoo! I worked on my big abstract reflection and then took a bit of time to tweak some other paintings and sign ones I thought were finished. I left actually feeling like I might have a handle on the show I am preparing for this fall. It was a good feeling for sure.

What show? Well, I have a solo show in an actual gallery here in town! It's all extremely exciting and feels so official! At least official compared to my other two solo shows which were held in a local coffee shop; one was in spring 2004 and the other was in spring 2008. The coffee shop was an excellent location for a newbie like myself and a great first step, but the owner really had no standard for the art she agreed to show other than the subject matter had to be restaurant appropriate. She didn't even look at my work before it went up and she wasn't even there when I hung it! Anyways, I took a painting workshop in the summer of 2008 and a fellow student reminded me of a gallery in town, St. Thomas More Gallery, that is a big supporter of student art and emerging artists. She encouraged me to approach the curator which took me 6 months to do, but in Feb. 2009 somehow I got the nerve up to talk to her. I had to submit jpegs of my work and she responded very favorably! That was one of the best emails I ever recieved; the acceptance from her gave me some sort of validation that I needed. And it really does feel more official. I am having a solo show in an actual gallery! It makes me giddy!                     

 

 The Muse

40x30"

acrylic on canvas

sold

 

 Water Striders- Big Broadway Number

40x30"

acrylic on canvas

NFS

 
Above are a couple of the pieces I will have in the show for sure. Others are still being decided upon and I will post them as they are finalized. They are both 40"x30" and done in acrylic on canvas.

Man, even though I have no readers it is still nerve-racking to post these images! I actually haven't told a soul that I have started a blog... I haven't even shown it to my husband yet! Just the remote possibility that someone would find this blog and consider commenting makes me aware that I am opening myself up to potential judgments and criticism. I am just now struck with new-found admiration for the artists I have come across in this blogging world and appreciate even more their willingness to share their art and really "put it out there".

Speaking of judgments and criticism, when I looked at my beloved Edward B. Gordon blog yesterday I was stunned to read that somebody had the nerve to tell him that his subject matter is trivial! What the...?! Seriously?!! I would like to know the context of the conversation, maybe then I would know if I actually had the right to be as offended as I was when I read that. Actually, I probably have no right to be offended at all since it has nothing to do with me, but I'm a Leo and I'm loyal, what can I say? Honestly, the only explanation that makes sense is that this is a person who has looked at Mr.Gordon's paintings, but has not actually seen them. The beauty and worthiness he sees in the moments of every day life are so far from trivial... I'm just exasperated by the notion...

Paint and Preciousness

Today I went to the studio (I sublet a corner of another artist's space) to work on a painting. I've been working on this one for a while now... an abstract that is inspired by a river's reflection/surface. I've been a huge fan of reflections for a year or so now... maybe longer. I can't seem to get enough of them. By the end of the session I think I was finally starting to see on the canvas what I envisioned in my mind. There is still work to do on it, but I am feeling closer. I wish I could have stayed longer, but I had to pick Tommy up from my sister's. The time melts away when I am painting... I was there for 3 hours (which is a rarity), but it seemed like 2o minutes. I don't know what I think of for that length of time. It is like meditation. I was listening to music; enjoying the lyrics of some of Paul Simon's classics and Jann Arden's greatest hits. Next thing I knew I had to get my brushes washed and palette put away.

I am still trying to get comfortable with calling myself an artist even though I know it has been part of who I am from almost as far back as I can remember. I have acknowledged the creative side of myself on and off my whole life, but as I enter this journey of digging deep into who I really am, I think I already know that the creative side of me is essential and I must never allow it to take the backseat again.

Over to the other side of my life... my precious seven year old Sammy gave me the biggest hug before bed this evening and said to me, "Mommy, you are the best cuddler in the family. You are the perfect shape and size to snuggle." Ahhh, that extra 10 pounds I've been packing is appreciated after all!