The Reality Of It All

 Portal

7x7
sold

I found out earlier this week that another painting has sold! So that makes fifteen and I couldn't be more thrilled or appreciative. I don't think I will ever get used to the incredible feeling I get when I discover that not only does someone enjoy viewing my work, but actually loves a piece so much that they would want to spend their hard earned money to own it and live with it on a daily basis. It fills me with gratitude. When the Curator and I hung the show we both agreed that the space needed a few more pieces just to make it look full enough, so I zipped home to get a couple of abstract reflections that we had not included at our final cut meeting and I also brought two paintings that I was keeping for myself. This was one of them. Well the day of the reception came and a lovely couple that bought a painting at my last show wanted another painting to put with it. This is the one they wanted and with a bit of gentle persuasion (she was good at it), I agreed to let them have it. I'm a bit sad it isn't mine anymore, but I know it will look good with the one they have which is of the same dimension and called "Low Storm". Here is "Portal" shown at the gallery above the table with the guest book and you can also see on the wall the three paintings from my last post.

So the accident has affected me much more than I initially realized and that is why I haven't posted anything for over a week. I spent so much of the first week hyper-aware of the kids and how they were doing; making sure they felt safe and not too disrupted by the events that I forgot about myself a bit. Also, I think I have been feeling that because we survived such a horrible crash with very few injuries, I really shouldn't complain or feel anything but thankful when there are people that have been so much more worse off in accidents. In the end, however, the emotional side of my brain has won out and the rational side of my brain has been put on the back burner. I have had difficulty stopping the tears for the last few days and more aches and pains have appeared this week. The air bag and the impact have done a bit of a number on me and there have been moments where I just feel desperately sad. My boys are doing well, but they are nervous at intersections and ask often, "Mommy, is this where we had the crash?" and Tommy has been so teary at bedtime. They have both had bad dreams, but don't want to talk about them. I cannot believe that they had this frightening experience and it has been sobering to realize that John and I can't necessarily protect them from horrible things. I feel utterly panicky when I allow my head to go awful places, like what if something happened to them? What if they weren't here with me anymore? It is too much to even imagine and yet I know that there are parents who have been in this tragic position.

So after an emotional week I couldn't get through a four hour shift at my part-time job on Thursday night. I ended up leaving after two hours... in tears and in pain. I saw the Chiropractor on Friday (yesterday) morning and she put it into words... as she watched me cry through the entire session. She said I had a near death experience with my family and I needed to take care of myself. She said my body would not heal until I got rest and some sleep. So a new game plan was made. I went home that very day and slept all afternoon when the kids were at school. I took today off work without guilt (I usually work Thursday nights and all day Saturday). I went for a massage this morning and slept again this afternoon. Tonight some of my most wonderful girlfriends are gathering at one of their homes to eat yummy food with me and let me cry... and I am pretty sure they will also get me laughing. I made the painful decision to not be part of the studio's Open House tomorrow. I have always wanted to be part of it, and this year I thought it could work out, but this turn of events has got me too low on energy and I was unable to paint in a productive way the last two weeks.... and the majority of my work is at the gallery right now. It just isn't in the cards. I am trying to put a positive spin on it by saying to myself that next year I will have my own space in the studio to showcase my work the right way. And now this means that tomorrow I will be free to take the kids to the Santa Claus Parade! For the remainder of November I will not go to the studio. I am going to take my afternoons to rest, nap and do any treatments that seem necessary for my recovery. December will bring better things and a studio space of my own in which to create. I hope I will feel better and be able to approach my art with freshness at that time.

I still have lots more to share... like how I spoke with Irene this week, the wonderful woman who was there with her husband at the scene to help me and my family before the emergency crews arrived. She confirmed that we rolled one and a quarter times. And some amazing things the kids have said about the accident. And about the outpouring of friendship that many people have shown my family since this happened. And about my grandma's necklace. And so much more... but my husband has BBQ'd a delicious steak dinner for us, so I must go enjoy it and appreciate him.

Thank you for reading my blog and stay safe...please wear your seat belts and make sure the kids in your life are in the right car seats.